Tuesday 2 April 2013

The Difference Between A Crazy t-Shirt And A Princess

By Larson Ladd


When you're harvesting diamond babies from the red rivers, you don't need a bunch of people wondering what you're up to. Wearing a crazy t-shirt may keep folks from bothering you, so it might be a good idea to grab one and tie it around your unicorn-bashing arm as a warning flag. If people do happen to get within your personal germ-bubble, then you can just eat their brain.

I don't like eating people brains. I LOVE eating people brains. When I'm feeling a bit slow or dull during the day, there's nothing better than dragging a screaming guy into an alley and grabbing a quick brain-snack. I have a pretty decent method of harvesting too. PeTA would be proud of how humane I am.

I may eat a normal-person brain every once in a while between special brains if I can feel myself slowing down. When the color-lines refuse to cross me, then I have to MAKE them connect with a few brain smoothies. No big deal. I only have to do something crazy like that if my unicorn hunts turn up empty...which they often are, these days.

What's with all the werewolves chilling out with the unicorns? There was a time in the not-too-distant past when I could score one, maybe two, unicorn brains in a single night. I could usually grab a princess brain too, but not any more. Now the stupid unicorns hang out with werewolves all night. I can't mess with werewolves. I'm allergic to them.

Being insane is fun. You don't have to worry about what other people think because they're usually thinking that you're crazy...which is okay, since you are. Crazy t-shirts are pretty good at advertising your insanity. When you put on a crazy t-shirt you're telling the world, "Hey, I'm a crazy person who may eat your brains so that his unicorn hunt goes smoothly as long as the werewolf bodyguards are drunk enough off wood beers not to smell you. Also, I may be a zombie."




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