Has anyone reading this been the subject of a vegetarian attack? It doesn't take place the same way you may expect a traditional attack. There are no guns fired and no punches thrown. No one gets stabbed in one of these vegetarian assaults. No, they just look for the nearest overweight person and scream at them about killing things with faces. These ridiculous, anti-bacon tactics will no longer be tolerated. It's time to put on your bacon t-shirts, gentlemen.
I know for a fact that something had to die for me to eat the steak I'm going to have for dinner tonight. I try not to think about the pain of some living thing and just enjoy my darn steak. These veggie-nuts are relentless, though. They want to show me videos of slaughterhouses and other unpleasantries. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but that one cow fed dozens of families. I'm sorry it had to die, but maybe it might want to think about developing some higher brain functions instead of 4 stomachs the next evolutionary leap.
Let us also consider the long, terrible climb humans have made to ascend to the top of the food chain. Do you really think that there were Sabertooth Cat activists trying to rally their kin to quit eating people? Even if they could talk, I'm not sure that would have happened. People deserve their ascension to the top of the pyramid. The slow, stupid animals should have gotten their stuff together and learned some awesome defense mechanism if they wanted to not be eaten.
There are tons of ad campaigns out there that are using the hottest women you've ever seen as bait to stop eating meat. This is one of the worst things they do, in my humble opinion. They do their best to make portly gentlemen of the Midwest think that if they just stop digesting anything but plant matter, then these super-attractive women may let us see them naked in person. Trust me, these ladies would rather punch you in the groin than say three words to you.
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
I know for a fact that something had to die for me to eat the steak I'm going to have for dinner tonight. I try not to think about the pain of some living thing and just enjoy my darn steak. These veggie-nuts are relentless, though. They want to show me videos of slaughterhouses and other unpleasantries. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but that one cow fed dozens of families. I'm sorry it had to die, but maybe it might want to think about developing some higher brain functions instead of 4 stomachs the next evolutionary leap.
Let us also consider the long, terrible climb humans have made to ascend to the top of the food chain. Do you really think that there were Sabertooth Cat activists trying to rally their kin to quit eating people? Even if they could talk, I'm not sure that would have happened. People deserve their ascension to the top of the pyramid. The slow, stupid animals should have gotten their stuff together and learned some awesome defense mechanism if they wanted to not be eaten.
There are tons of ad campaigns out there that are using the hottest women you've ever seen as bait to stop eating meat. This is one of the worst things they do, in my humble opinion. They do their best to make portly gentlemen of the Midwest think that if they just stop digesting anything but plant matter, then these super-attractive women may let us see them naked in person. Trust me, these ladies would rather punch you in the groin than say three words to you.
I can't take all of this punishment any longer without acting on the behalf of all meat-eaters everywhere. My arsenal will consist of a bacon t-shirt and a bucket of pureed brussel sprouts that I will throw all over anyone who says anything negative about my bacon t-shirt, or my bacon sandwich, or my bacon smoothie. I am a human being, and I deserve my red meat.
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