Sunday, 9 September 2018

Discussing Those Santas For Hire

By James Brooks


Ho ho ho. No? Fine. Not everyone can do it and sound like Santa himself anyway. But for those who actually can sound and look like him, that is impressive. To have the slightly pinkish face, white hair, and white beard? Way to rock Father Christmas. There are a lot of those in Dallas, we hear. So if you are looking for one to host as Mr. Claus himself, then take a walk around the place and get you Dallas Santa For Hire.

Oh. Turns out he passed away already earlier this year. That is sad and slightly disappointing. How will children take to a new Santa in this mall? Will they even notice the difference? Kids have tiny brains so probably not. The smart ones are too mature and smart to even think about sitting on the lap of an old guy.

Intelligent children probably know that Father Christmas does not exist. The Jewish children definitely know he is not real since they follow a different religion and celebrate a different holiday. What do they even think whenever they see Catholic kids talk excitedly about an old man who creeps into houses and leave presents?

One less sad person, right? And it is only for the holidays. Though, to be honest, the smell might be a problem. How long do you think they have gone without taking a bath? Do we really want those people close to our kids?

If not, there are probably old men who have already taken the whole Santa thing as a seasonal profession. Get them if you want. At least they already had experience, right? And they probably sound a lot closer to the real deal. Assuming that they are not as creepy as the hobos, your children will be fine.

But you want to hire one for a party. Probably a childrens Christmas party, by the looks of it. Maybe borrow the ones already hanging out at the malls for that one party. Pay him well too. It is not easy to handle talking to children who are loud, obnoxious and spoiled. Or worse, a combination of all three.

In the case that the Santa you hire tolerates, even adores children, give him an extra tip. They are probably grandfathers who have grandchildren. They are the type to spoil and love children unconditionally no matter how nasty a kid is. These people are admirable. Maybe even at a lower tier than teachers.

Whoops. An old man in a red coat just walked up to the platform. Looks like they already found their next red Dumbledore for this year. He is a bit too skinny to be the jolly old man though.

The last one was just the right sort of plump. We hope this guy does not disappoint. Anyone with a beard can wear the get up but that takes talent and soul to bear the name Santa Claus and have kids to believe in it.




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